Saturday, December 18, 2010

An unrestful morning which leads me to an angry vent

I forgot to mention in my day 5 post that for the first time in 6 days without caffeine, I was officially going through caffeine withdrawal. I'm actually pretty impressed that I made it that long, normally I'll go a day without caffeine and start getting mindnumbing/vision blurring headaches. Well those started yesterday afternoon. Maybe I didn't notice them throughout the week because anytime I felt tired, I just went to sleep, and yesterday was the first day I was up and not really able to sleep that much during the day. Anyway, the genius in my decided to have a glass of coke with dinner, along with two tylenols to help the headache. The headache went away, but unfortunately since I haven't had caffeine in awhile, I was awake til 4:30am. I managed to finished season 2 of Friday Night Lights. I also heard Naomi wake up practically every hour. Austin ended up sleeping in her room with her. So she officially caught our cold, has a runny nose and the starts of a terrible cough. I'm just hoping she gets better faster than Austin or I did!
Anyway this morning the whole family went to the mall, grandparents, Naomi and Austin. I can't believe I missed an outing to the Short HIlls Mall!! You know I'm tired (and on bed rest) when that happens. I figured it'd be an excellent way for me to get some rest. No one in the house, and since I had woken up at 7 and only on a couple hours of sleep, it'd be sooo relaxing. WRONG. At 8:30, right after I had fallen asleep, Austin called to ask me a question, waking me up. At 9:30, another phone call, on our house phone, had me jumping up out of bed to grab the phone. At 10:30 Amex called to check if there were fraudlent charges on our card...they weren't (note to self, Austin shouldn't be allowed to go last min christmas shopping on his own..i dread seeing our bill this month). At 10:50, another call...which brings me to now. I'm still tired, but can't sleep again because my body wants to try and cough up a lung. Instead I turned my computer on. I figure I'd blog about bed-rest etiquette. Forgive me if this sounds angry. but here is a list of things to never say to someone on bed-rest:

1) you're so lucky, at least you can sleep all day
2) i'm so tired, I need bed-rest
3) i'd kill to be on bed-rest!!
4) dude bed-rest sounds awesome
5) what isn't there to like about bed-rest? eat, watch tv all day? sounds awesome.


Bed rest blows. It's not restful, it's not awesome. The reason you're on bed-rest is most likely because something is WRONG. Please think about what you're saying before you open your big mouth. Yea I'm on bed-rest, yea I got to get out of work for a week. But you know what? I'd so much rather be at work than lying on my back all day. I'd rather be working on no sleep, ridiculously tired, starving etc, than be on bed rest because something is potentially wrong with my baby. I'm achey and sore from lying on my back or on my side all day. When I do get to stand up my legs hurt. And most of the time I'm not even motivated to watch tv or movies or videos much less read any books. Which leaves me with lots and lots of time to lie here and worry. Worry about how my kid might not be big enough to survive on her own if this whole bed rest thing doesnt work. How maybe I'll end up having her this coming Monday and while it's kind of selfish of me, I really wanted her in January so I could take some real time off work where i could get some things done around the house, like get her nursery ready, wash all her clothes, and just relax. Or like how, if she does come on Monday, it'll be because I'm induced because she's still too small, and most likely will have to spend some time in the NICU instead of being allowed to come home with me. And of course there's the guilt that sets in. I have a lot of time to think back on this pregnancy and how differently I behaved than when I was pregnant with Naomi. Partly because I literally just didn't have time to take as much care of myself, partially because Naomi was such an easy pregnancy and she came out to be such a perfect child with no complications, maybe my own selfish pride allowed myself to take for granted how awesome of a miracle it is for a child to be born. To think of all the little things that God puts together in your body to make a child grow with out any complications. Regardless, I was lazy this pregnancy, often forgetting to take my vitamins when I just passed out at night, not eating as healthily not cutting out caffeine completely, not getting as much rest, not getting as much exercise. There are a million and one things that i think about that maybe if I had just done differently this baby would be ok.
OK i'm going to stop here because now I feel like I'm just being bitter and angry and I know a lot of this is just exhaustion and frustration of being in bed yet again while the world moves about enjoying their holiday festivities.
So anyway, forgive me if I sound angry, but DON'T TELL ME YOU WISH YOU WERE ON BEDREST. Becaust you don't. Not if you truly knew what it meant. You wouldn't tell a cancer patient you wish you could be going through their chemo would you. It's the same thing. This is the treatment for an ailment. It's not bliss. It's not a vacation. It's not relaxation. It just blows.


Janet said...

Hang in there guys, we're praying for you!!

People who think bedrest is fun must not understand what it is. Not only would I be bored out of my mind, it's highly inconvenient too, especially if you already have a kid. My s-i-l is ~29/30 wks and has been on bedrest since 20 wks for contractions. My mom has been taking care of her pretty much the last couple months. Fortunately her doctor okayed her to travel for Christmas so she'll actually leave her apartment! I'm glad your parents are there to help!

Naomi's mom said...

Thanks Janet. Msn Your poor sis in law. Thank goodness for parents!!!!